Live With Intent, Not Impulsivity

This week, over social media, I shared an experience with a 💘 who asked me why I was so confident. I blurted out that it was because I knew who I am. The answer was aligned with my true values upon reflection. So how do I know who I am? It’s because it’s I know my true core beliefs and values. In my professional world, I have my boundaries in my work that align with who I am. Knowing who you are and how to define your moralities and ethics is one step in living with intent.

It’s important to acknowledge there are different ways of living in the moment. Are you living in the moment with intent and savoring the moment or are you making decisions in the moment with impulsivity? The former inspires fulfillment in the moment whereas the latter is just based on your primal impulses, drives and what “feels good” without thinking things through or concern of the consequences. Some examples of this are using drugs or choosing a provider because you view them as an object of lust rather than seeing them as a person. Living a life without intent can lead to higher levels of stress, depression, unfulfillment and regret.

What Is Living With Intent?

When you make the choice to live with intent, you are making decisions with conscious intention and mindfulness rather than letting the environment and impulses control you. You’re allowing yourself to slow down and take control of your decisions that are meaningful to you and finding agency over your own life. When you have power over your own life, you can feel more present, in tune and capable, which I believe can also contribute to your own self esteem.

A study found a reduction in perceived stressful life events and valued living (living life with intent) (Ceary et. al, 2019). There was also a correlation between valued living and resilience (Ceary et. al, 2019), which can explain the reduction in stress.

Another study found that living a life with intent was associated with an overall wellbeing and lower distress (Gregoire, Douceraine, Morin & Finkelatein-Fox, 2021).

How Can I Live With Intent?

Some ways that you can practice intent, according to an article written by Tartakovsky, 2021 is shifting your focus through activities you’re already engaging in, such as noticing your five senses (smell, touch, taste, sound and sight) when you’re cooking or feeling the body movements when you’re participating in a physical activity that feels good, such as muscle groups flexing when working out.

Another way that you can live with intention is be kinder to yourself with positive self talk. This is also something that I engage in periodically by being that external voice. A lot of our inner voices come from the way we were spoken to as a child. If we were heavily scrutinized for every mistake that we made, this voice goes underground and becomes our own thought process. I like to be that external voice during session to give permission to do things, validate the natural desire to want to experience pleasure and to make room for mistakes, including my own. I also like to guide people through things that they might be embarrassed to explore.

You can read more about other ways to practice living with intent here.

How Does This Relate To The Sex Industry?

Related to the sex industry, are you looking to live with intent with your experience or are your impulses a driving force?

In my experience, people seek out an experience with me because it inspires a person to live in the moment. A relaxing space catering to your senses through music, smells of femininity and cleanliness, relaxing sight of dim lighting (and an erotic tease) and your hands on my soft skin mutually touching you with my alluring hands, both with light touch and teasing in the right places as the right time with a more firm massage on your tight muscles. Of course it’s normal to want to have sex with me or push my boundaries, but this isn’t why a person visits me and 99% of people understand this.

This is a different type of sensual and erotic experience that inspires living with intent rather than allowing you to fulfill your impulsive desires. It’s about experiencing something that will bring you to a moment of ecstasy and keep you in that space for as long as possible, holding each other close, teasing, cuddling and feeling loved and important for a snapshot in time. It’s about shifting your focus away from stressors and refocusing on the present moment, indulging in the pleasure of each other’s body in a sensual way. It’s not about penetrative sex or oral sex, but rather mutual pleasure, hugging, cuddling, embracing, closeness and essential skin-to-skin contact.

Not only are the physical interactions part of the moment, but the conversations can also inspire living with intent. Having meaningful conversations can help explore or validate where your values are. I, sometimes, also incorporate my psychotherapy training to support people in building goals or steps that are essential for change, depending on what a person is struggling with. The foundation of living with intent is a type of therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy which increases psychological flexibility through using acceptance and mindfulness strategies to deal with negativity and life stressors, in conjunction with commitment to behavioural change strategies to promote positive growth. This type of therapy is focused on empowering the individual, which aligns with living with intent. You can read more about it here.

Some people share that they’ve sought me out because of what I’ve written on my website. It’s been said that people enjoyed the detail that Ive shared about myself, including my boundaries, and they also felt that our values aligned.

In contrast, I sometimes get inquiries from those who are living in the moment with impulsivity. It is quite apparent when their first message is commenting on my physical traits or asking if I provide a service outside of my boundaries. This communicates to me that they are giving into their sexual desire and drive rather than seeking out something deeper and more meaningful. Their message are devoid of giving me respect and talking to me like I’m person. Chances are that they wouldn’t speak to someone that they are choosing to pursue romantically in the same manner - or maybe they would?

Some, not all, providers may have chosen to live a life of impulsivity. When I used to work at a spa, I spoke with a girl who said she wishes that she never started providing full service. She shared that she made the decision because a client offered her more money and once she provided this service to one person, she couldn’t go back. She said she is now used to the money and also she has built up her regular clientele overtime who visit her for this specific service. A cautionary tale to all providers: once you cross a threshold of providing a certain service or making a certain amount of money, it is difficult to go back so be mindful in your decision making.

From the suitor’s perspective, I’ve heard stories of girls attempting to upsell their services once they get their clientele in a vulnerable state of mind, after they’ve been massaged and aroused. Some people agree to these upgraded and (sometimes) outrageous pricing as these decisions would be made based on imminent desires and impulsivity. Alternatively, people have also agreed to a session with me trying to convince me to move outside of my boundaries with sometimes large sums of money offered due to letting their impulsivity take control. Of course I’ve declined (do I even need to say this?).

Get to know yourself. Get to know what your values are. Try the things that you’ve always wanted to try. Create goals for yourself as motivation and take breaks when needed. Explore who you are through things you’ve never done. When you know yourself, you will live a happier and a better quality of life.