Delay of gratification is defined as the voluntary postponement of gratification to receive a more distant long-term reward. In our day and age, especially with everything at our fingertips including technological advances and obtaining the things we desire click of a button (and purchasing items on credit instead of saving up for desired services/items), delay of gratification is not something that is practiced as much as it used to be. Because of this, other areas of lives can be affected, including less job satisfaction and reduced pleasure in activities. Further, studies even found brain structures and behaviours can be impacted, including reduced white matter connectivity in the brain between the caudate and dorsal prefrontal cortex in the right hemisphere of the brain, associated with controlling emotional and behavioural impulses. Other studies show increased communication between the hippocampus (associated with memory) and nucleus accumbens (associated with pleasure) when it comes to decisions involving delayed gratification.
The inability to control behavioural impulses have also been associated with many mental health disorders, in both children and adults. Children who have been taught impulse control through delay of gratification (not always getting what they want it when they want it) learn these important developmental milestone through self-control and have displayed better coping abilities, higher educational attainment, less substance abuse, higher self-esteem, higher self-worth, better control of negative emotions and fewer inter-personal difficulties.
One famous study is the Marshmallow Experiment, conducted in the 1960s, in which children are left alone in a room with one marshmallow and are promised a second marshmallow if they wait for the researcher to return after a certain period of time. The children who waited for the second marshmallow were followed overtime and researchers suggest with their findings that these children generally had better adaptations and more success in their teenage years (listed above) compared to the group of children who could not wait for the second marshmallow. Although you can imagine how tough this can be to delay gratification, the heightened level of appreciation and pleasure derived from waiting can have many positive impacts on the experience of the reward.
Why Is This Relevant?
I’ve spoken to clients who have visited other service providers (who provide escort services) and those who have shared with me reported less satisfaction with visiting the same service provider and always switched trying out a different service provider each time. Those who have shared told me they rarely visit the same provider twice - and yet they have returned to me many times. I am a curious person and began to form theories in my head on why this is.
1. Having restrictions within the services
I am curious if this is because they received the service that they wanted (full service) and there was no room left for a chase. Having access to the service they desired on their terms and with financial accessibility does not provide any incentive to look forward to something different, or even a goal in the future. Because of my firm boundaries, I create a mental barrier in their mind that someone may fantasize about crossing and inspire the imagination to experience what it may be like to cross those boundaries. I like to compare this to our teenage years when we first start dating someone and any sexual touch with a first-time partner is intensified because of the fantasy built up within our minds. Alternatively, I’ve also noticed a trend that many escorts provide one type of service but not other fetish-types of services. I wonder if there’s some type of delay of gratification that they create with regards to exploring other parts of themselves when seeking out the typical, sexual services that leaves very little room for self-exploration and discovery.
2. Creating a chase in pushing boundaries
Many times, people who are interested in pushing their boundaries do so with me slowly and at a comfortable pace. One specific gentleman mentioned a prostate massage after my first session with him. We have safely explored many areas starting from a prostate massage to pegging, with different sized dildos in different to bi training/bi curious sessions and more. This has been explored safely over the few years that I’ve known him and talking about these desired fantasies have build up anticipation, which I believe contributed to the intensification of these experience. Further, given the connectivity between the hippocampus and nucleus accumbens, this may also intensify the memory of where we left off with regards to pleasure and may promote further imagination of future pleasure that we may experience with exploration.
3. Slow buildups
There may be a deep desire for the chase and the appreciation of the journey, not so much the destination. I’m curious if those who find satisfaction out of edging have better impulse control and drawn to my services because of their own brain development and up-bringing. My intense edging sessions start out with a slow build up with a sensual full-body massage. Those who have experienced my sessions reported, and displayed, an extremely intense finish and so, to me, it is apparent that they are experiencing both psychological and physiological pleasure simultaneously with heightened gratification and fulfillment.
4. Life circumstances
A person may be in a situation where a figure in their lives, that directly or indirectly represented discouragement of self-exploration, may not longer play that role in their lives. For example, that person may have passed away (directly) or they may have divorced (indirectly – given perceived societal norms). Now that these life circumstances have changed, they may be free from their perceived shackles, fear of punishment/judgement and given permission to self-explore. Because the person, who represented discouraging exploring these parts of themselves is no longer in their life and the imagined fear no longer exists, a delay of gratification has been built up over the years and now there is a witness to help foster this area of this person’s development normalizing the exploration in a safe and healthy way. I believe this can change brain chemistry (neurotransmitters) and structures of the brain as a result, which can further intensify the experience.
While I’m sure this is not true for all people, and there may be more reasons than I have thought of, I used specific anecdotal evidence based on my experience and what I’ve been told. Anecdotal evidence is based on one person’s experience and certainly is not a large enough population to be considered “generally true” so there are drawbacks to this and this information is limited. Further, I’d also like to acknowledge that I’m sure there are other experiences on those who wish to not visit me again for a variety of reasons that I have not heard of or even considered. Finally, I want to note that some people who visit me also still visit escorts for escort specific services when they feel they need it.
Do you wish to share your thoughts, feelings and experiences? Feel free to share with me and, if you wish for me to share it on my blog, please let me know through email with your desired penname at autumn.addison.massage@gmail.com
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