There was a trend circulating not too long ago where women were filming men looking at them in the gym and publicly shaming them online just for looking at them. I will talk about this in another blog because this is another whole topic. However, you can read about it here if you’re not familiar with this “trend”.
Let’s be real. We live in a world where we are constantly checking our surroundings for danger, from both perspectives. We are also social creatures who find pleasure in looking at others. Even me as a straight woman, can admire the beauty in women. It doesn’t always mean there is a sexual connotation. But, as always, there are socially acceptable behaviours and behaviours that are inappropriate. If we stare too short we can seem untrustworthy and if we look for too long we can come off as creepy or intimidating. How can we gauge what is “just right” for other people’s comfort level?
A study mentioned by science.org, published in Royal Society Open Science, recorded eye movements of participants who were watching a video and were asked to press a button when they felt uncomfortable from the gaze on the screen. On average, participants felt most comfortable (“preferred gaze duration”) of 3.3 seconds with a window of 0.7 seconds give or take.
My rule of thumb is that if I’m caught looking at someone, even if it’s just me scanning the room, I always smile at them to communicate that I’m not a threat and then cast my gaze a different direction. And when someone responds the same way, it is less threatening. I am never insulted or “creeped out” by men who look at me, even in the gym. If we happen to meet eyes, I’ll smile back, look away and continue my workout. I never want to give off the wrong impression of having a sexual interest. However, I will become alarmed when a person smiles and continues staring, especially if they have that “wide eye” stare.
“Wide Eye” Stare
Widening our eyes is usually indicative of surprise, wonder and interest. Even more troubling, however, it can also communicate fear or shock. Do you notice that when someone sneaks up on you to scare you or when you’re participating in an activity that will cause an adrenaline rush, that your eyes will widen? If we see someone looking at us with those wide eyes, it can hold a plethora of meaning, and because our brains are geared towards self-preservation and safety, we might immediately consider the worst case scenario.
I watched this video a few days ago (that unfortunately I was unable to locate but I’ll post it if I do find it) where a woman was talking about that “wide eye” look with psychopaths and their mug shots. After reviewing a few serial killer’s mug shots, you can see that “wide eye” look paired with a smile but not always in their mug shots - but usually the “wide eyes” are consistently present. The more I looked into this, I was able to see smiles with the wide eye look in the courtroom (two people I looked at was Ted Bundy and Eileen Wuornos). Her theory was that the “wide eye” look suggests the look of terror and the smile suggests that they found pleasure for the terror they inflicted on others, and they are enjoying reminiscing on their horrendous crimes.
Her theory may be reaching as there are no articles to support or disprove this theory, and she didn’t consider third variables (which I will list below). But typically literature is developed from a thought or an idea before being tested.
Now there may be other variables. First, I don’t know at which point in the court case that these photos were snapped, whether they were talking about the crime or the criminal was reminiscing on the horrific details of the case. Since psychopaths are also narcissists, this may be their way to manipulate the courts into believing that they are mentally unfit for harsher penalties for the crime, such as the death penalty or prison (as opposed to a mental health facility). This may also be a tactic to remove accountability and try to manipulate people into feeling sorry for them. Or maybe they’re enjoying the publicity around the media and the focus on them - after all, psychopaths get their narcissistic fill from attention from others. Can you think of any more reasons?
Logically (and emotionally), I cannot deny that there is something disturbing about this look that seems stir up emotions of fear. Further, this wide eye look (paired with a smile) is extremely troubling and inappropriate for the context of court, and does seem to suggest a lack of empathy and remorse for their actions. Here are the photos below to make your own judgments.
Wide Eyes & Large Smiles
When I talk about the “wide eye” look, I am not talking about people with certain diseases, such as Graves’ disease (hyperthyroidism/overactive thyroid) where bulging eyes are a side effect. I talking about intentionally (or unintentionally) opening your eyes in the same manner which your body reacts to fearful, terror provoking or adrenaline producing situations.
As I mentioned above, it can be quite alarming when someone is staring at me with a wide eye and a large smile look, especially when they have been caught doing so and do not display socially acceptable reactions of looking away within a short period of time. Are they staring to make a person uncomfortable? Are they getting a thrill of watching someone? Does this seem to suggest that they may get a thrill of making someone feel uncomfortable? Or is there some kind of power or excitement in the participation of voyeurism, without concern of the person who is being watched?
I’m not suggesting voyeurism equates to psychopathy, and one important factor is the act of consent. Although some criminal psychology researchers may consider voyeurism “deviant sexual behaviour”, voyeurism is not always linked to psychopathy. Maybe all psychopaths will have one form of deviant sexual behaviour, but not everyone with this type of interest are psychopaths. As mentioned above, consent is not only what differentiates deviance from safe sexual exploration, but also anti social behaviour, grandiosity and interpersonal manipulations (and control) (van Bommel et. al, 2018).
I tend to feel extremely uncomfortable when someone is watching me with those wide eyes, especially when they acknowledge my reaction, refuse to avert their gaze and when it inspires some joy or arousal in their face as a response. Again, third variables may be present, such as lack of social cues or maybe they are smiling to be friendly. But I can’t see those “wide eyes” as part of their “normal facial expression” without some consideration of an adrenaline rush involvement.
Finally, during a session, someone gave me those wide eyes and smile when looking at me, particularly my body. I refused to see him after the first session for what I thought was objectification. But knowing what I know now, I can’t help but to acknowledge that this look (without knowing his thoughts) may have been linked to my feelings of him being a potential threat to my wellbeing. This could have played a role in my unconscious thoughts around my own safety, even though he did not display any aggressive behaviour. Trust your instincts, even if you can’t produce proof or put it into words - if someone gives you the creeps, there could very well be a good reason for it.
I’m not asking you to not look, I’m just asking you to not stare and act creepy about it.
great article intelligently conveyed !😋