My dad becomes hyper fixated on projects that bring him joy. It may not always be practical but the main point is that it gives him a goal, places his focus on achieving this goal and distracts him from his pain.
A few days ago went to a store to seek out a project for his car and the owner was extremely rude, berating him for having his interest in the project and lecturing him on what he should be focused on instead. What disgusted me more was that he was trying to rope me into agreeing with his uncalled for opinion as an attempt to triangulate my dad and make him feel bad for wanting to do this project that, in his eyes, wasn’t necessary.
My response was that we received a referral to come to his place of business and if it was something he couldn’t help us with then we will go elsewhere. I also made sure to let him know that this was something my dad wanted and it was something that made him happy. As I was getting into the car to leave, this individual asked me to roll down my window and advised that we go to a body shop to inquire about this project instead of attempting to do it ourselves. I responded that he should keep in mind how he responds to people because you never know what someone is going through and to be kind always.
The reason why I’m talking about this is because in my professional life I feel like many people I encounter hold back due to fear of judgment. Somewhere along the way, people they’ve encountered in their life tried to force their own agenda and belief systems of what is “right” and “wrong”. I just can’t comprehend why this person attempted to take away my dad’s joy, and why anyone would try to destroy someone’s excitement over anything they find pleasurable or interesting. This is bullying and something I completely take a stand against.
Thankfully I have a wonderful friend in my life who was willing to provide a practical solution, without judgment, and they gave my dad something to look forward to. I could tell my dad felt a little insecure about sharing his ideas (he had to “warn” this person that this idea is “stupid” - which I believe was due to the individual we encountered earlier that day) but I reassured my dad that this was something he wanted and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. My friend also did not judge him nor make him feel badly about wanting to pursue this project (which is why I have this person as a friend in my life).
I would never judge a person for enjoying certain “fetishes” or wanting to explore their sexual sides - even if it’s something that I don’t offer or understand. This is why I am so focused on providing a safe space - I never want to make anyone feel shitty about sharing vulnerable sides of them. I know how it feels to be harshly judged and I would never want to make anyone feel the way that I have.
I had someone tell me a story about bringing a toy for himself when he went to see an escort. She made him feel so badly about it and the story broke my heart. I could tell that this is something that still affects him and I’m sure he’s not the only one. If a person is asking you for something that you cannot or do not want participate in, at least be kind. Do not cause harm with judgment or bullying. Why use your energy to make someone miserable when you can channel your energy for good or even stay neutral and respectful?
This extends to all areas of life. Just because it is something you don’t understand doesn’t mean you can’t be thoughtful or considerate of others’ feelings. “I don’t understand Korean but it doesn’t mean it’s not language” - unknown.
Taylor Swift captured my feelings on this one, “the worst kind of person is someone who makes someone feel bad, dumb or stupid for being excited about something”.
Autumn ❤️🩹
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