I was having a conversation with a lovely person last week and we were talking about several topics, but one that I will talk about today is consent and how it is relevant for all parties.
I am clear on my boundaries and limitations, which is what people tell me they appreciate about what I provide. Not only do I communicate what I don’t provide, but I also list what I do provide so it paints a clearer picture of whether my offered services is what a person is looking for. For example, some people seek out tantric massage, others are looking to worship my body, foot fetish is a common request or others are looking to explore prostate play and pegging. This gives people the opportunity to consent whether they want to pursue shared time with me.
The odd time I do have the messages come in either asking for services that I don’t provide or trying to negotiate my boundaries. To me, this indicates a lack of respect for my consent and, therefore, have already sabotaged the opportunity to build a professional relationship built on mutual respect and trust.
Sometimes, during my session, I tend to push a persons boundaries a little bit, because they may be too shy to ask for a certain service (such as prostate play) or they are open to exploring as long as I take the lead. I usually read their body language and I always tell them to let me know to please tell me to stop if I do anything to make them feel uncomfortable. Boundaries can sometimes be pushed in the moment as long as it is safely and with consent. Further, this consent can sometimes be communicated through body language, but boundaries should be enforced through language as it is easy to mix up cues.
Alternatively, I’ve also heard stories about girls using other people’s photos (catfishing) to lure in unsuspecting clients, which eliminates a persons ability to consent. I’ve heard stories about a person that will show up at the location and the person opening the door is not the person in the photos. I have heard stories where people leave, and some people will decide to stay because they have built up their anticipation and the person has already invested their time in pursuing the appointment.
At the spa, I have also heard many stories of girls who attempt to upsell their service after they have started massaging the person. I believe that all options should be given before the service has begun, so that the clients will be in the right state of mind to make an informed decision and consent to an agreed upon amount.
In terms of financial compensation, I’ve also had people try to negotiate pricing. To me, this indicates also that the person does not respect my ability to consent for an agreed-upon amount for my feelings of value and worth for my high end services. I put my heart and soul into what I do, keeping the person engaged from start to finish and focusing on their body simultaneously. From my knowledge, it is extremely rare to find this level of service without penetrative sex.
On the other hand, I’ve also heard providers tell clients that they owe them more than what the agreed-upon amount was. This, of course, is robbery and manipulation. Further, I’ve also heard about “switch and bait”. This is when a provider lures a person into their place (typically a hotel room), demands the money upfront before requesting the client to enter the shower and has a male subject (or female subject(s)) enter the room to greet the person after their shower, and make a scene that the person is in their room. Again, this is robbery which is non-consensual.
I used to focus so much on the consent of the client because my sessions are client-focused. This conversation has enlighten me to the importance of my own consent in entering this professional relationship. It is not only a physical concept, but also a way to feel psychologically safe from any damage that can be incurred through the interaction. Consent and boundaries go hand-in-hand and they’re both important in maintaining a mutually enjoyable, respectful and trauma-free experience.
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