I have encountered a lot of situations where I’ve heard stories (or even witnessed other massage attendants at the spa) openly talk about a client who was taken advantaged of by a stripper, an escort, or a massage girl financially. These workers would play on the client’s heartstrings by telling them a sob story of a situation they were in and needed help with financially. For example, a massage attendant that I knew would tell her client she needed help with vet bills, cars repairs and the list goes on. The client, thinking that they’re helping and secreting hoping to win over the attendant’s heart, continues to shell out money meanwhile she is telling every other client the same story and collecting more than she needs for the situation (if she even needs it at all). Further, she also made empty promises to be romantically involved with him in the future.
There are two problems with this scenario. First, she has no regard for the client’s personal situation and she’s clearly manipulating him to get her way. Secondly, the client is thinking they’re doing something good for the girl but he’s also doing this for himself hoping to get what he wants.
This is different if both parties consent to the same conditions. For example, some fetishes include financial domination and, to me, this is acceptable because both parties agree to the terms and conditions. Ethical dilemmas arise when one party is withholding pertinent information from the other party.
I think it’s unfortunate that the client has been taken advantage of for their good nature but they are blinded by the dilution that they will somehow convince the girl that, if they give them money, it will win over their hearts and so the selfishness takes over their better judgement.
Do you really want someone like that in your life? Do you think this will bring you long term happiness? Sure, in the moment it fulfills your fantasy that you can provide, you’re a “man” or even that she is in charge and you’re surrendering to her desires. But what does the longevity of this relationship look like?
As time goes on and the client doesn’t get their way or they discover that they’re being taken advantage of and lied to, they become bitter and have anger towards women in this already marginalized industry.
How can one person treat another person poorly because of their own mistakes of allowing someone to take advantage of them? It is our responsibility to take control of our lives and acknowledge accountability for our mistakes. This is how we grow and can better protect ourselves from the type of people who prey on your good nature. If you stop making blanket statements about a group of people based on one or two bad experiences and, instead, look at that the red flags that lead to these specific individuals taking advantage of you, you will begin to notice how powerful actions are compared to words - and this is exactly how you can discern someone’s moral compass. For example, a person can tell you how lovely you are but if you see them talking about or treating others poorly, it is a great indication of their character.
Acknowledge that you messed up.
Look at where you went wrong (break down the chain of events).
Decide how you would do things differently.
In a situation where people ask for financial help, I believe that you can always feel less guilty saying no by offering help in a different way. For example, you can say that you can’t help them financially, but you can be there to listen to them or help them find some solutions and decide how they can help themselves. Based on their reaction, you can get a good indication of where their intentions lie.
The first red flag would be asking for money. The second red flag would be their reaction to you saying no. If they cannot accept your answer, or they reject you, it is a good indication that they don’t care for you at all. This is also a great rule of thumb for any relationship that you have in your life, including romantic, friendship or even familial relationships.
When you paint a group of people with the same brush, you deprive yourself of the amazing potential experiences and relationships you could have - and so you miss out on the beautiful colours that life has to offer.
Not all sex workers are thieves just like not all (insert: gender, race, religion, creed, job, any other group) are (insert: bias).
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