PE or PA?

I received my first text ever from this lovely gentleman who expressed some concerns about PE (pre-ejaculation). He booked an appointment with me last week and did as he was told by confirming his appointment the day before between 5 PM and 8 PM.

On the day of our appointment, he arrived promptly and I made him wait as I was finding an outfit that he requested. Garter belts with thigh high pantyhose. I had to dig it out of my archives of clothing from Cambridge, since I am no longer there.

After waiting patiently, he entered my condo and I calmed his nerves with a warm embrace. We chatted for a bit to get to know each other, and I offered him a shower which he took me up on my offer. He came out of the shower naked and only wearing a towel. I led him to my massage room.

We were embracing for quite some time and caressing each other‘s bodies. He went to remove my bra from the back, but this particular piece of lingerie was unbuckled in the front which I demonstrated to him. I didn’t want to leave him questioning his sanity when he couldn’t find the latch. I removed my panties, and we continued to run our hands over each other’s bodies while his towel dropped to the floor. He was erected and excited, and I was ensuring to brush my fingertips over his cock, but not to put too much pressure on stroking as he expressed his concerns for PE.

“Shall I lay on your table“ he asked me. “Yes, of course” I replied and instructed him to lay face up. I laid my naked body on his chest and continued to play with this cock. (I was still wearing the thigh, high garter set.) I would give him a few strokes here and there to continue edging him, but I noticed that he wasn’t getting close. From my experience, PE means that you can cum even just from one stroke or no even strokes at all, which has in some cases been my experience. However, after some mutual play, caressing and touching (and with my attention to his climax), he eventually came after some (not so significant) amount of effort. I didn’t think it was enough to qualify him as experiencing PE. I think he was right on cue to the average person.

Upon post climax, I laid on top of him continuing to caress him, and holding him close. Eventually, I offered to grab him a hot towel and to clean him up, which he gratefully accepted. I laid the hot towel on his genitals, encouraging him to soak in the warmth of the hot water until it faded away very quickly and allowing him to continue to relax.

I eventually asked him “what do you mean pre-ejaculation?“ “Well” he said “sometimes I experienced that when there is performance involved.” From my interpretation, I knew he was talking about sex in particular. The essential idea behind this was that he felt more pressure to hold back ejaculation, which would be a counteractive impact, and he would ejaculate too quickly. This is interesting because from my experience, I’ve always assumed that performance anxiety (PA) was related to not being able to (or having trouble) climaxing. I never put two and two together that it can also be related to ejaculating too quickly. He told me that he wasn’t experiencing it with me because he did not have the pressure to hold off on ejaculation, but rather to enjoy every moment without having the anxiety around performance.

I encouraged him to flip over so that I could give him a nice deep massage for round two. After all, we did have extensive time together, so thankfully we weren’t in any rush. He shared with me his back pain and I wanted to make sure I gave his lower back a really good “beating“. I told him to communicate with me if I was ever being too rough he enjoyed every moment.

Eventually, I had him flip over for around two, and he did say in passing that I could do anything I want to him when I was driving him crazy with my teasing. To me, this is an indication that someone is open to a prostate massage without asking for it directly. I reassured him to tell me if I do anything to make him feel uncomfortable, and I will always stop right away.

He was super relaxed with all the teasing and my fingers pushing up on his external bum, but he was ready to receive my full finger. He didn’t ask me to stop and I was able to enter fully inside of him, playing with his prostate with quite ease after several minutes of teasing. He exploded within a few seconds because of the level of pleasure and heightened senses from the teasing.

After some post-climatic relaxation, I asked him if he’s ever experienced a prostate massage and he told me that he tried on himself, but it wasn’t anything like the experience he had. We talked about the importance of being totally relaxed, and sometimes you can’t achieve this on your own. We talked about how important it was to be able to have these moments with a partner who knows how to touch them properly and who takes time and patience with their body. We talked about how it’s important to feel completely relaxed and safe with the person in order to experience that level of pleasure.

This experience was certainly impactful to me because it opened up a new perspective that pre-ejaculation (PE) could potentially be a result of performance anxiety (PA). Shame (especially from a partner) can be a huge influence in PA from previous experiences of PE. This is why I think it’s important to know your body, allow yourself to feel relaxed and not let shame creep in if climaxing happens before anticipated. The reality is that pornography and social media perpetuates this ideology that men should have 100% control over their orgasm and they should hold it for a ridiculous amount of time - but no one ever talks about what the amount of time is. Anything that is below this random time may manifest into our minds to be considered “PE” which automatically translates to feel shame and guilt. However, this experience was a precedent for what the average male experience and even though he may not have believed it was PE, some people in similar circumstances have apologized to me before believing they were wrong for embracing their pleasure (even though I don’t believe that an apology is ever warranted).

He had to get going as I held him much longer than he probably anticipated, but he left feeling grateful and sent me a text after he departed thanking me for everything once again.